What are the advantages/disadvantages of marriage ?

[Anthea]

Serious Question: What are advantages/disadvantages of marriage ?

Several of my friends wish to see me marry again - perhaps they are jealous of my independence

As a woman - now that my son has left home and I am man-less - apart from my student - sometimes I feel that it would be very handy to have a husband to do the gardening and all the odd jobs around the house

Problem is if I got married again, I would be expected to live in my husband's home - it would probably take me an entire year to sort out all my paperwork, clothing, books and all my other detritus. Also, I am preparing for a training course as well as doing a research project, and helping friends with a marketing project

My friends seem to think that because I do not have a man underfoot, I must be bored

I would like people to add their own thoughts on the subject - so please tell me:

What do YOU think are the advantages/disadvantages of marriage

[Piling]

Mariage is not like having a BF, it is like having a child : chains and burden even if you enjoy it. But husbands are worse than children because as you told, kids become adult and leave your home. Men become old men and more and more… at home.

It depends if you appreciate to live alone or not (some people can not bear some others enjoy it). If you like the life you have now, then accept to marry only with the man of which you are sure that he is the good one and the last one. If not, take it as a free romance.

Commonly, men are considered as unable to live alone, and they often jump on the first good house-worker, cooker, nurse that they find. Women are more independent : so my advice is that you should not marry just for filling an empty case with anybody.

Marry with the man you can not BEAR to let be free of you or worse : to let him free for other BITCHES WHO'RE LOOKING AT HIM !

[Feyli_kord]

Go for it, don't marry a kurd though.

[Piling]

I've red recently that one of the best way for learning what kind of person you met and if you are compatible is this question :

– If you have the opportunity to pray at dinner 3 persons (dead or alive, whoever they are), which people would you invite ?

Seems to be a good way to learn much things about someone.

Then before answering yes or no, don't forget to ask it

[Feyli_kord]

I've red recently that one of the best way for learning what kind of person you met and if you are compatible is this question :

– If you have the opportunity to pray at dinner 3 persons (dead or alive, whoever they are), which people would you invite ?

Seems to be a good way to learn much things about someone.

Then before answering yes or no, don't forget to ask it

That's a terrible idea, because it don't make no sense. Some of my best friends have been 180 degrees opposite. Race and culture are in overall better predictors and more important than "What kind of people she/he admires or likes". I can feel more at ease and more relaxed around some fresh off the boat immigrant from a similar cultural and ethnic background with entirely different life style experiences, than some white/black/asian person who i might have similar interests with, who i can only really have shallow relationships with.

[Anthea]

The 3 men whom I admire the most:

Jag - an Indian gentleman who spent his entire life working for peace - he was a follower of Ghandi - he started many multicultural and interfaith groups - he started the FIRST English language training course in England - he was by far the greatest man I have ever known - even when he was dying he was wheeled to an international peace conference in Switzerland

Webby - a Jamaican who came to England to help build up the country after WW2 - he was magnificent - he started the FIRST 24 hour multicultural advise service in England - he started many multicultural organisations

Those 2 men changed my entire life - having them as friends - working with them - there are not enough words to express how wonderful they both were - unfortunately now both dead

The third man has no name - he was a freedom fighter for the PKK - I learnt a lot about the fighters from him - I leant more about their hopes and dreams - he showed me photos of his relations children and told me that was what they were fighting for - a free KURDISTAN for the children - when I think about him and remember his love for his people - and for Kurdistan - I cry

These are the people I respect and admire most - they all share the same quality - they dedicated their lives to help and improve the lives of others They were NOT marriage material

[Piling]

You misread the question : it does not mean absolutely who are the people you admire the most. It could be the case or not.

For example, a Turk could wish to invite Atatürk because he worships him as a God, but a Kurd or an Armenian could wish the same just for telling him what sort of son of a bitch he was !

Sometimes, we admire people but we don't need to know them in reality. That's my case with many writers : their books are enough for me.

We could wish to discover how mythic people were in real : Julius Caesar, Muhammad, Clark Gable

What is interesting is what kind of people someone would like to invite and why. The results should not be necessary identical to our own choices : it is just a way to know someone, and what is important in his/her life.

But of course, it could be a trial also : if someone admire many people you dislike, be sure that for a marriage some fights can be expected If someone mention some members of his/her family you can guess that family is important for him or her and that's a serious point for the future.

But the aim of that question is just a good and quick way to KNOW important parts of a date. After that, you do as you like. Better to be informed, that's all.

I have answered to this question and I suppose it reveals a good scheme of my personality

http://vitanova.blogspot.fr/2013/06/si- ... -avec.html

[Anthea]

Thank you NOW I understand

I wonder what my choice says about me

In order to discover more about your prospective partner it would be best to ask the names of 3 famous people, and the raison d'etre

Famous people I would invite would be Ghandi - Linus Torvalds - Larry Ewing

[Piling]

People could conclude that you are a geek and a pacifist idealist who prefers to fight with non violent weapons but with spectacular and efficient actions

Now we KNOW who you are : An ANONYMOUS HACKER ACTIVIST !

[Anthea]

[Anthea]

SADLY I am not good enough to join anonymous

But I support them 500 %

I am definitely a pacifist - I absolutely abhor violence

What is the main reason a man gets married?

What is the main reason a woman gets married?

[talsor]

Marriage in classical terms for men and women means :

Sex...children....family....status in the society .... children are the retirement .

however in modern world the system setup to lead the marriage in one direction when it comes to women :

Sex....children ....cash out .

The root of the marriage is cultural and religious making the marriage completely irrelevant since neither exist in the modern world and anyone wants to get married is just looking for trouble .

[Piling]

however in modern world the system setup to lead the marriage in one direction when it comes to women :

Sex....children ....cash out .

No need to marry for that ! In France 55% of children are made out of marriage.

Nowadays, only gays and catholic priests want to marry, weird…

[Anthea]

Because it is almost impossible for young couples - married or living together - to afford to buy their own homes - or even rent property - they have children in order to obtain social housing.

The rents in UK have gone up considerably due to the many refugees who have their rent paid for them - refugees often housed temporarily in hotels - not enough social housing - refugees have to be housed in private accommodation with government paying the rent - landlords know there is a desperate shortage so put rents up knowing government must pay - local hard-working English people cannot afford to pay to rent privately - many young couple forced to have children in order to obtain social housing - very bad situation

Also in England many girls have children outside marriage in order to obtain social housing to get away from unhappy family life - OR - biggest scandal of all - girls who grow up in children's homes are thrown out at 18 often without any back-up or secure accommodation

We now have many estates full of unmarried mothers, drug dealers and VERY unhappy refugees

One of my closest Kurdish friends bought a cafe/kebab shop on such an estate - he thought he would be able to live there with his family- very busy - he could never take his wife and children there - he left because of the violence, fighting, vandalism, drug users, drunks, shouting and swearing

Basicly: having a secure home is more important to girls than having an insecure partner/husband

[Piling]

Because it is almost impossible for young couples - married or living together - to afford to buy their own homes - or even rent property - they have children in order to obtain social housing.

Housing is also very expansive in France but I don't think that people make children for social housing, because it is very long and hard to have one and during that time your baby is a teen ager.

Out of marriage children are not only from poor families, it happens in all levels of society, except among muslim migrants, they are more traditional.

But it is not a modern fact : at the end of 19th century, half of babies born in Paris were from unmarried parents. People have often false ideas about our ancestors' domestic life.