Marriage in Kurdistan

[Zhala]

Hello all,

I am not sure if this has been placed in the correct forum but I failed to see a 'Culture' forum so I decided upon the 'Kurdistan' forum regardless of it being under 'Politics'. I am currently writing on the subject of marriage in Kurdistan. I want to encapsulate a Kurdish marriage from the beginning of courtship until after the wedding. Having grown up in Britian, I have certain holes in my knowledge of all the cultural practices regarding marriage and I would incredibly grateful if anyone could a more vigorous description of certain steps in the process.

This is what I know:

1. Dating before marriage is for the most part still taboo. Many Kurdish men will be friends or acquaintances with their prospective bride. When asking for their informal approval it may be done through a family member or a friend but it has become more common to ask directly.

2. Then the formal asking of permisson. The groom's family will visit the bride's family as ambassadors of his good character and commend him to the bride's parents. If the family approves they will ask the bride if she too consents and then they are officially engaged.

3. I believe this part comes after but I could be wrong. The bride will require a sort of bride price (?) agreed on usually in the form of gold. I believe there is some sort of Islamic standard as to how much this gold should be. This will be given to her before the wedding and will remain her property. It is considered a form of insurance should the marriage break down. The amount a bride should ask for is always a topic for debate and etiquette generally requires that the bride keep her demands modest or at least within the capabilites of the groom and his family.

4. All financial burdens concerning the wedding ceremony are footed by the groom and his family. It is also worth noting that most grooms will be able to afford a home of his own for himself and his bride and living with the in-laws is not a common occurence. Officially the bride and her family are not required to contribute but again, in more modern times, the bride herself or her family may pay for certain aspects of the wedding. The brides family will almost always lavish her with gifts of jewellery and clothing.

5. This is where my knowledge gets even shakier. I believe that the groom and his family will hold an event called 'shirin khwardin' (???) and it is basically a gathering of the grooms friends and family to wish him well. Apparently, there was once a female equivalent called 'khanna bendan' (?) which was similar to the Asian Mendi event when the bride and her friends and family gather together to decorate each other with henna. However, this event is rarely known of and practiced today.

6. Next comes the main event, 'marakrdin' (?). This is when the 'mellah' presides over the Islamic wedding ceremony. This is not held at a mosque but at the bride or grooms house. If I am right, the mullah will ask the bride if she consents three times. I would appreciate more clarification about this point.

7. After the Islamic marriage the reception will follow shortly after (not sure if this is by hours or days?). All family members are invited and many friends and it can be held picnic style, in the great Kurdish outdoors or a hall is hired. The groom will collect the bride from the salon where she will be descend in all her finery. It is common for Kurdish brides to wear Western white bridal gowns. They will then drive together to the place of celebration (beeping their horn very loudly along the way).

8. The bride and groom are usually given a seat of honour amongst the festivities. This allows guests to approach the bride and groom to offer their congratulations and gifts. A rather embarassing (in my opinion) Western addition of the bride and grooms first dance has been added to ceremony in more recent times. For the most part, after a great deal of food has been eaten, hours upon hours of Kurdish 'halparke' dancing will commence.

9. The bride and groom will then go home. After the wedding night, the newly weds will visit the brides family. I am under the impression this is the opportunity for either of them to complain about or confirm their partnership.

So that is it. I would truly appreciate any additions and constructive criticism. If I have made any mistakes please point them out to me.

Thank you very much, zor zor supas in advance for any help you may give!

Best wishes, Zhala

[talsor]

There were several threads posted about this topic here is one of them .

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=6157

[Zhala]

Thanks for the reply talsor but that particular thread focuses a great deal on the religious aspects of marriage and I was hoping for a more broad cultural description of a Kurdish marriage. I was hoping to particularly gain information about points 1 to 5 and point 9.

[brendar]

add to that as well, that we kurds are followers of islams and arabs and we do whatever they say because non of that above is kurdish traditions but ARABS! This is the fact because they destroyed our culture and anyone who loves will be killed because of "ISLAM" and so on....

[Zhala]

It is true brendar that many aspects of Kurdish culture have been eroded by Arabisation. That is why I would like to find out more about what is considered truly Kurdish within a marriage! There is very little information about this on the internet and a lot of it is wrong or misleading. For example, one website said it was normal for Kurds to marry more than one wife...from what I know this is rare and frowned upon.

[jjmuneer]

It is true brendar that many aspects of Kurdish culture have been eroded by Arabisation. That is why I would like to find out more about what is considered truly Kurdish within a marriage! There is very little information about this on the internet and a lot of it is wrong or misleading. For example, one website said it was normal for Kurds to marry more than one wife...from what I know this is rare and frowned upon.

Never heard of that befoe.

[Kamilka]

The Kurdish - Yeziden customs and traditions of wedding ceremony in Russia are so different from yours...
I'm not sure - maybe because your explanation is of Muslim families and I'm thinking now only about Yeziden
Or maybe your foundations in your region are more assimilated with Arabian ))

Any way - thank you for interesting article =))

[Zhala]

It is true brendar that many aspects of Kurdish culture have been eroded by Arabisation. That is why I would like to find out more about what is considered truly Kurdish within a marriage! There is very little information about this on the internet and a lot of it is wrong or misleading. For example, one website said it was normal for Kurds to marry more than one wife...from what I know this is rare and frowned upon.

Never heard of that befoe.

What was it in particular that you hadn't heard of before, jjmuneer?

[Zhala]

The Kurdish - Yeziden customs and traditions of wedding ceremony in Russia are so different from yours...
I'm not sure - maybe because your explanation is of Muslim families and I'm thinking now only about Yeziden
Or maybe your foundations in your region are more assimilated with Arabian ))

Any way - thank you for interesting article =))

I'm glad you enjoyed my post I would love to hear more about Yeziden weddings Kamilka! What makes them so different?