Need help! Romantic matter/ Very rude brother.

[Karped]

Hi RomaMater, Anthea and Piling,

Thanks for your input.

Piling; is it possible for me to ask you some questions in private, if you have the time and interest?

[RomaMater]

Hi RomaMater, Anthea and Piling,

Thanks for your input.

Piling; is it possible for me to ask you some questions in private, if you have the time and interest?

I'm at your service. Send me a PM if you want to.

[Anthea]

@ Karped

I hope you friend is still safe

Both the Islamic State and the Kurds keep claiming victories

Truth is they are probably fairly evenly matched and IS are managing to stand up well against the pounding they are receiving from coalition bombing

Kurds may have right on their side but the Jihadists believe Allah is on their side and are happy to rush and met him

Have you given any thought to what I mentioned earlier?

In fact it would be wonderful if you could find other people to write to the fighters so that they do not feel so isolated

[Piling]

I don't think the Party would accept that their fighters have private mail with foreigners. They would fear of romances, as with the 'marraines de guerre' in the WWI

[Karped]

Hi Anthea,

What was it you wanted me to think about?

My friend is doing ok ( which means he's still alive ), but the " romance "........The little brother asked me for money ( on behalf of A ), and I think A knows about it, so it wasn't just something the brother did on his own.

A was acting weird the day the brother asked about money ( " A told me to tell you he needs money " ), and when I asked A if he knew his brother had asked me for money, he answered yes. The rest of that day he either didn't reply or replied somewhat rude ( seemed annoyed ), and after I had logged out; sent me some sort of chain-letter ( you know one of those " if you sent this to 20 people, you will get lucky " ), and we haven't spoken since ( day 4 today ).

The brother, on the other hand, is VERY talkative. He wants to talk to me every day. The day after he asked about money, I told him, that some people had told me that it is shameful for a kurdish man to ask a woman for money ( and that european men would feel the same ), and he got really mad. It was " Fuck you! ", " Fuck you and your money ", and more of that nice talk.

Then he said that he only asked about the money to test me. It was a test to see if I really liked his brother. I don't believe that for a second, because money has been mentioned before ( between A and I, but just A saying that he didn't have money for a house ( we were joking about buying a house together/getting married. Just being silly. ), and back then the brother also talked about me sending money, but because of the joking between A and I, I really didn't see it as a serious request.

So, I don't really know where A and I stand. I wanna say a lot of things, but my kurdish isn't good enough, and the little brother acts as if I am his girlfriend ( " Send me pictures ". " Send to me NOW! ", " NOW, send! " ).......It is a mess:-)

[Anthea]

Hi Anthea,

What was it you wanted me to think about?

Not important

My friend is doing ok ( which means he's still alive ), but the " romance "........The little brother asked me for money ( on behalf of A ), and I think A knows about it, so it wasn't just something the brother did on his own.

A was acting weird the day the brother asked about money ( " A told me to tell you he needs money " ), and when I asked A if he knew his brother had asked me for money, he answered yes. The rest of that day he either didn't reply or replied somewhat rude ( seemed annoyed ), and after I had logged out; sent me some sort of chain-letter ( you know one of those " if you sent this to 20 people, you will get lucky " ), and we haven't spoken since ( day 4 today ).

Only really nasty people send out the chain-letters I am starting to think you would be better off without A

The brother, on the other hand, is VERY talkative. He wants to talk to me every day. The day after he asked about money, I told him, that some people had told me that it is shameful for a kurdish man to ask a woman for money ( and that european men would feel the same ), and he got really mad. It was " Fuck you! ", " Fuck you and your money ", and more of that nice talk.

Would I ever talk to a man who swore at me - let me think - NO

Then he said that he only asked about the money to test me. It was a test to see if I really liked his brother. I don't believe that for a second, because money has been mentioned before ( between A and I, but just A saying that he didn't have money for a house ( we were joking about buying a house together/getting married. Just being silly. ), and back then the brother also talked about me sending money, but because of the joking between A and I, I really didn't see it as a serious request.

I do not like the sound of any of this

Look in the mirror and say to yourself "I deserve better than this. I will never allow myself to be treated like this again"

So, I don't really know where A and I stand. I wanna say a lot of things, but my kurdish isn't good enough, and the little brother acts as if I am his girlfriend ( " Send me pictures ". " Send to me NOW! ", " NOW, send! " ).......It is a mess:-)

You only need 2 words to deal with this pair of idiots

"F**K OFF"

I am shocked at their behaviour - I have never heard of Kurds treating women this badly - I have had Kurdish friends for a great many years and have always found them to be warm - friendly - helpful - respectful - those 2 fools behave more like TURKS

[Karped]

Hi Anthea,

I'm not a push-over kind of woman, and I'm nobody's fool, so I can handle the two of them, and although I initially really liked A, I, too, am starting to get a bad feeling.

Just now, the brother wrote to me, that if I didn't send him pictures of me, then he would never speak to me again ( he doesn't know he would be doing me a favour ). He's a real pain in the ass:-)

It's gonna be interesting to see how this plays out. I'm interested in human behaviour, so I'm staying on this train for a little while

Thanks for your thoughts on this very confusing matter:-)

[Anthea]

Hi Anthea,

I'm not a push-over kind of woman, and I'm nobody's fool, so I can handle the two of them, and although I initially really liked A, I, too, am starting to get a bad feeling.

Just now, the brother wrote to me, that if I didn't send him pictures of me, then he would never speak to me again ( he doesn't know he would be doing me a favour ). He's a real pain in the ass:-)

It's gonna be interesting to see how this plays out. I'm interested in human behaviour, so I'm staying on this train for a little while

Thanks for your thoughts on this very confusing matter:-)

Hi Karped

I am glad you are not a push-over - far too many women are

Kurds are sometimes very good looking - I judge men by their ability to cook - all the men in my life have been good cooks - all I have to do to make them happy is to keep telling them how delicious their food is

I do not remember if you mentioned how old A is?

Kurdish men marry young - are you absolutely certain he does not have a wife waiting for him?

Often Kurds are heavy smokers - probably why they rush to marry young because by the time they reach middle age they are not much good in the bedroom - so say the ladies

The other reason of course is that for most of the respectable Kurds sex before marriage is an absolute no no

You mention Kurdish men - do you have any female Kurdish friends - if not perhaps it would be a good idea for you to find some

You could offer to help Kurdish ladies learn English in return for them helping you to learn Kurmanci

[RomaMater]

Hi Anthea,

I'm not a push-over kind of woman, and I'm nobody's fool, so I can handle the two of them, and although I initially really liked A, I, too, am starting to get a bad feeling.

Just now, the brother wrote to me, that if I didn't send him pictures of me, then he would never speak to me again ( he doesn't know he would be doing me a favour ). He's a real pain in the ass:-)

It's gonna be interesting to see how this plays out. I'm interested in human behaviour, so I'm staying on this train for a little while

Thanks for your thoughts on this very confusing matter:-)

I must interject maam- I am not a Kurd, Turk, etc. or whatever. I'm an Anglo-American, U.S. citizen, Catholic, a so-called bigot, etc. It's not confusing to me. Not one bit. I know how swindlers operate.

I have made mistakes with females that I regret. Very, very, very much. As we say in America: "It is what it is." But I have never made outrageous demands from a girl nor given my communiques over to my younger brother for the purpose of extortion.

Eventually it all becomes like this: "bad memories grr go to hell."

I agree with madam Anthea-- tell these creepy brothers to SOD OFF.

Sorry maam to be so blunt- but save yourself the trouble and flush the turds- otherwise all you'll get is grief.

[Karped]

Hi Anthea,

Am I absolutely certain that he is not married, or has a wife-to-be waiting for him? No! But I don't think so, as the brother - who almost 20 - was shocked that I asked I he was married. I'm way too young, he said, and they are from a fairly big city ( and doing alright financially ), so I don't think they are modern kurds.

The brother - who's dying to get a girlfriend/wife from Europe/US - knows that no european/US woman will put up with his bad language/temper tantrums. I have told him off many times, and it helps for a while, but his temper is definitely different than european/US men's:-)

I also asked if their parents decided who they should marry - and whether they had to marry a kurdish girl - and the brother said no. I also know his family knows about me, but who knows if they see me either as a ticket to Europe or a cash cow.

A is somewhere close to 30, but it seems they are not a 100% sure about their age, and they laugh when I ask for their birthdays, as they apparantly don't have one.

As for the smoking.......I've seen pictures of A with cigarettes, so I'm quite sure he smokes ( the same goes for the brother ), and that is one habit I don't like:-)

A is REALLY good looking, but I've seen pictures of him cooking, so if things get better between us, then I might get the looks and the cooking in one package:-)

I think A has been a fighter for a long time ( since his teens, first PKK then YPG ), and that could explain why he is ( probably )not married. I also think they like european/US women, but our independence is somehow a threat to their macho-identity, so they don't really know how to act when being told off by a woman - and I tell both the brother and A off if necessary:-)

But A is pretty easy-going, and he has never said a bad word to me, but he seems detached at times ( what could appear as being cold ), but I think it's about the war and not me. The brother says A ask about me all the time when they talk ( if I'm allright and stuff ), and I know YPG goes on missions that can last two or three days, and as A doesn't wanna tell me he's out fighting ( he knows I don't like it ), he - or the brother - will just say that " he's busy ", and that he's sorry he can't talk at the moment.

I don't know any kurdish females ( I don't know that many kurds at all ), but trading english for kurdish is a good idea. Do you know where I might find kurdish women online?

As for the "no sex before marriage " part, I know that both A and the brother has no problem with that ( although they both prefer long term relationship/marriage to follow ). They also know that I'm from a different culture, and that I see things different.

A and I have not spoken for four days ( not since the brother asked for money, and I got very mad at both him and A ), and he's been online every day except yesterday. I hope his silence is due to embarrasment, but because of the war and the shitty situation he's in ( being in Syria where death and violence is an everyday occurrence ), I'm willing to cut him some slack, so last night I wrote him a message saying that I was sorry for the misunderstandings due to the language barrier, that I really liked him, and was sorry about the whole situation. Let's see if he answers and what his answer will be.

This kurdish affair is very exciting:-)

[Anthea]

Hi Karped

Enjoy the excitement

But beware most Kurdish men marry Kurdish women - their families strongly disapprove of their sons marrying non-Kurds

For a Kurdish man to marry a non-Kurd brings shame to the family

Sometimes the men really do love their European girlfriends but marriage no

I only know a couple of instances where the men have lived with their non-Kurdish girlfriends

Family pressure meant they had to eventually part

Both times the men were as upset as the women to part

One friend of mine had to let his girlfriend go - they remained friends - he went downhill gambling drinking - he eventually killed himself

For the most part European women are looked on as prostitutes by Kurdish men

The way they talk to you is not right - is shows me that A and his brother have no respect for you

Respect might sound and odd way of putting it - and it is difficult to explain - but Kurds live by respect and honour

The absolute worse insult you could ever give a Kurd is to call them a man without honour

The Turkish word for this is "şerefsiz"

Most of the PKK speak Turkish

[Piling]

It depends on families, but Syrian Kurds are more open minded.

[Karped]

Hi Anthea,

As Piling says, marrying non-kurds is a matter of how open-minded the family is, and I think this one is pretty open-minded ( Western in their outlook on life ). His mom knows about me, and as far as I can tell, have no problem with me knowing her son.

The brother is really a piece of work, but he can be nice too, and A has never said a bad word to me. The brother admits that A will kill him if he finds out how he's been speaking to me, so " Do you want me to repeat this for your brother? " is a great way to get him to behave:-)

I'm sorry to hear about your friend:-(

I'm staying on this train to see where it takes me:-)

[Anthea]

Hi Anthea,

As Piling says, marrying non-kurds is a matter of how open-minded the family is, and I think this one is pretty open-minded ( Western in their outlook on life ). His mom knows about me, and as far as I can tell, have no problem with me knowing her son.

The brother is really a piece of work, but he can be nice too, and A has never said a bad word to me. The brother admits that A will kill him if he finds out how he's been speaking to me, so " Do you want me to repeat this for your brother? " is a great way to get him to behave:-)

I'm sorry to hear about your friend:-(

I'm staying on this train to see where it takes me:-)

I hope it works out for you

I have no idea what country you are in but most European countries have Kurdish community centres - I suggest you get in touch with one nearest you and tell them you would like to learn more about their culture

Do not mention A or his brother

Tell them you wish to help the ladies to learn English or whatever your national language is)

You could also go to kebab shops and ask there because almost all Kurdish kebab shop workers have wives and some of those living in Europe are they very isolated

Just make sure the kebab shop is not painted bright red with a large Turkish flag in it

[Karped]

I just got some books about kurmanci, and I will see if I can find some kurdish women. I love kebab, but my kebab shop is run by turks:-(

Yeah, it's interesting to see how it all turns out. Thanks for your thoughts:-)