etiquette in dating a Kurdish girl

[pingumac]

hello there all,

i am a malaysian student studying in the UK, and i have had the fortunate chance to meet a nice Kurdish girl. things look well so far, and perhaps i want to go for the long haul with her. however, there are a few questions i really need to ask:

1. what is the view by kurds about marrying a non-Kurd? a bit about her: she is an Iraqi-origin Kurd, speaking Sorani dialect. however, she is as british as fish and chips. by the looks of things, her father is quite a reasonable fellow (read: not too 'conservative'), educated and works for the EU. so fingers crossed he might be ok with it. still, what is the general view? is there a strictly no non-kurds allowed? i am a Muslim btw, and so is she. her family tho are not overtly religious.

2. how do i go about this? from where i come from, the proper/modern way to go out with a girl would be to at least meet the parents. i think this is a good thing to do. from what i understand, kurdish girls are very protected, and by meeting the parents/ father, at least i show to them that im not a complete sleezeball and can be trusted. is this done in Kurd families? . also, i hate to have to sneak around, as though i'm a big dirty secret of hers. of course, i dont expect things like staying over at hers, but at least i want to be able to go out to the cinema without her having to fib to her parents about where she is going. it doesnt bother her, but it bothers me. i feel like i'm a good person from a good background, and i just dont like doing things the wrong way.

3.she said something about kurdish girls not being allowed to date?

4. what things i can do to get some good points with her family, so that when i do meet up with her family, i can swing some favour in my direction.

honestly, i hate having to sneak around to actually spend some time with her. i feel as if we are having an affair instead of going out on a date! like i said, i feel like im a good person, with a good background, and with good prospects. so i really hate it when i have to hide around like this.

thanks for your help

[MikeeUSA]

Marry a Malay girl who has just recently gained the ability to have children (puberty). Usually people from wildly different races can't appreciate each-other that much, the only think you'll have in common is the drive to reproduce. Last time I checked Malays and Kurds were wildly different genetically/in-looks.

I'm just a random european-decendant from the USA though so... don't mind me.
It's sad that peeps aren't forcing their girls into marraige at puberty anymore.

[talsor]

Welcome to RBK pingumac

Kurdish girls do not marry or date none kurdish men . Actually It is very very hard for a Kurdish girl to even date a Kurdish guy let alone a foreigner . I wish you all the best and I hope it works out for you but I would not get my hopes up .

[pingumac]

wow that was straight forward. im sure there are exceptions, right?

[kurdimemin_diako]

Welcome to RBK pingumac

Kurdish girls do not marry or date none kurdish men .

yeah . I think so and I HOPE SO .
Why should a Kurd date a non-Kurd ?
(I have no problem with Kurds in foreign countries to date non kurds , but In Kurdistan it is different .)

[Zuhayra]

(: aawh this is so sweet
i think you should consider the relationship, do you want to marry the girl?
if yes, then i suggest in meeting her parents, and speaking about wedding arrangements with them
but dating is a no go, its highly disrespectful and is considered unlawful too
my cousin is pakistani and he has married a kurdish girl
i dont understand all this speculation and controversy about races mixing
i say you show the parents what a genuine person you are and you will look after their daughter
and im sure they will approve
good luck

[MikeeUSA]

Since you're a completely different ethnicity you'll tire of her. This will end in divorce. Why not a female from around your area, a malay... or if you don't like them (they too feminist?), indonesian, even something else?

[kurdimemin_diako]

aferîn !

[bleu ciel]

Since you're a completely different ethnicity you'll tire of her. This will end in divorce. Why not a female from around your area, a malay... or if you don't like them (they too feminist?), indonesian, even something else?

Hi, MikeeUSA
I am a korean, old-fashioned, kind of conservative person. I went to Canada to study English in 1999 and I met a kurdish guy at school. He is typical kurdish man who loves his country so much. I had a big crush on him at the first sight and since then I've been taken. I still love him so much. The reason I am telling you my private story is that I don't agree with you at all. You can fall in love with someone who you never expected in your life before. It can happen.

I heard that kurdish get married to only kurdish.. especially kurdish women aren't allowed to get married to non-kurd guys.
I respect kurdish culture, and I know it is so hard to overcome cultural differences. But what if she is the One for him?
They love each other so much and ready to fight to all the difficulties that they'll have to face?
And do you still insist by saying that, why don't you find a girl around your area?

No offense,but I think It is completely nonsense if you, or kurdish men who moves to other countries to have a better life should give up their stubborn idea which kurdish girls have to get married to only kurdish men.
Please, think. Kurdish girls who especially born in Western countries, such as America, Europe grow with non-kurds friends. As we all know, Man is a social animal. They see and hear and talk and have time with non-kurds since they are born. Please, let them free.. let them think freely, act freely. let them choose their husbands by themselves.
It doesn't change the fact that their kids are still kurdish even though they get married to non-kurds. Who knows their kids do something huge for their mother's country?

[MikeeUSA]

I'm not a kurd. I'm a Irish-SwissGerman-Polish mix. I think girls should be married off at puberty. Females should not be free.
I'm just saying what everyone knows, yea in the beginning it might work but ... after 6 months ... well believe whatever you want.

Who are the children going to marry? People are most attracted to whomever is like them, they're going to have to find another kurd+asian mixed person to be happiest. Why not just stay within your ethnic groups and not put this difficulty on them? Caucasian with caucasian, mongoloid with mongoloid, east asian with east asian, black with black. Sure some other people can seem pretty for awhile, but you'll only go bonkers for someone within your ethnicity, the closer the better. How are your children from a mixed marraige going to find that blend which they are? It will be difficult, they won't know true fulfillment (young (puberty) untouched virgin bride, same ethnicity).

[Kulka]

...and man with man, woman with woman and sick pervert like you with another sick pervert. marry your father, it would be the best option for you if you are scared of normal women (and you need kid to have power over, maybe one should marry one year old baby girl - that one cant speak yet, so its no worry that she will say "No" to his opressor).
of course nobody think that you are Kurd. Kurds are not idiots.

[Kubilay]

wow that was straight forward. im sure there are exceptions, right?

Welcome to the forum.

There are exceptions. Dont give up hope. Meet her parents and see what happen.

[kurd-sthanam]

i agree blue ciel. if you love each other and you know the consequences of different cultures than there are no problem.
i will prefer kurdish or "similar" ethnicity, or only if she accept to be assimilated by me to be kurd

[bleu ciel]

i agree blue ciel. if you love each other and you know the consequences of different cultures than there are no problem.
i will prefer kurdish or "similar" ethnicity, or only if she accept to be assimilated by me to be kurd

I totally agree with you.. These days I am thinking about that problem a lot.. And it was very hard for me as korean woman to take his culture (kurdish culture). I also think getting married to same ethnicity is the best..
All human are lonely eventually, but when you get married to a person who is from totally different society, the loneliness is double.. language problem, emotion problem, food problem,, even when I watch sport, especially World Cup, I hoped I rooted for korean team, yelling, and screaming with him in Korean.. but you know it is impossible to share that feeling with him..........

But these I just mentioned are not big deal.. The most important is Love.. real love can comeover every obstacle ahead us.. Thank you kurd-sthanam.. I really wanted to talk this to anyone.. Now I feel so goooooooooooooood...
Before I met him, honestly I actually never heard anything about Kurd... Life is wonderful, and amazing.. right?

[Kulka]

how do you see that, Blue - is korean culture more close to kurdish or european? coz i think (i dont know, but think) korean... but at the other hand... Kurdistan is more likely european in some acpects... i really dont know.
but for me is not a problem, coz i assimilated myself . i even use to say "hello" in kurdish to people who are not kurdish - without thinking about it, just as a habit
but suprisingly, i feel all what you wrote toward england where i am - this country is the same european as the one i used to live all my life, but still more foreign for me than Kurdistan, which is in Middle East and which i never seen (57 days left to my trip !!!!!!!!!!! ). I know that i am able to be here (on my own without any family member) only because i am with my people - with my kurdish family. any time i go for shopping i say "hello" to at least one of my brothers, usually to few. i am 3 years here. before i was living in one town (smaller than this one) for more than 30 years - i say "hello" to people on the street maybe one time every 3-4 months. the difference is very big.