Sudden desire to start praying after marriage

[raii87]

Hi guys.
I don't know where to start from, so I'll just write as it comes to my mind.
My Kurdish boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. When - not 100% sure yet but that will definitely happen in the next few months. Some questions and thoughts are coming to my mind though, probably because I'm not Kurdish but Eastern European and I was wondering what you all can share with me.
My boyfriend recently told me something, which made me think a little more about our difference in religion (I'm Orthodox, for the record). Since we met, approximately 2.5yrs ago, he hasn't once gone to a mosque or prayed at home; he drinks alcohol and has been with women before me (he was married once before). From my observations I can see that his brothers (at least those I met till now, not all) don't pray or one of them even hasn't even been to a mosque in his life. However, we were talking with my boyfriend recently that once we get married, he wants to change. He wants to stop drinking and to start praying. I know this might sound silly but I'm just trying to understand him because our relationship really means everything to me. When I asked him why he hasn't prayed till now and why the call to prayer when we were both in Kurdistan bothered him sometimes, he told me that he wants to become a better man, a better person after we marry. He said that until now we've (or maybe he was talking about himself more) been living in sin having intimate contact, drinking alcohol, etc. For me this decision to start praying and just become...I don't know how to say it - perhaps more religious (?) was just a surprise, came out of the blue. Like I said, he's never prayed before. I can even recall that when we were together in Kurdistan in February he and his friend were drinking alcohol on some day, which (I'm sorry I can't remember the details) was a day not allowed for drinking, because I think it was the Prophet's birthday. I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say, I just can't seem to be able to express myself.
So with this idea about beginning to pray and to quit drinking, I just started wondering what else might change after we marry. Again - I know this might sound silly to most but I want this relationship to work, despite all the propaganda there is out there about Islam, about inter-cultural relationships not working out. There are more things on my mind but if I write them all now, it will look like an essay
Thanks in advance to those who will write back/comment/share your thoughts with me.

[jjmuneer]

Well I'm sure the other members on this forum can help you and tell you more, but I have a question.
Is your boyfriend a sunni or shia muslim?

[raii87]

Well I'm sure the other members on this forum can help you and tell you more, but I have a question.
Is your boyfriend a sunni or shia muslim?

Hi. He's Sunni.

[Rando]

he may start to go to the mosuqe more often and stop eating pig (im not sure if he does it now). it won`t be too big diffrence i hope. as he said,he won`t be drinking alchohol anymore and start to pray. He will also stop eating in the month of ramadan (from the first paryer call to the sun goes down.i personally have it from 04:00 to 22:00) and he will be celebrating ED.
that was everyhting that hit my mind now. if i come up with more things ill post it,if any of the other members have something in mind im sure theyll post it.

[talsor]

raii87
You are over reacting and most men would say stuff like this to get a reaction out of woman . Beside if he wants to pray more and stop drinking you should be happy about it , because despite everything , religions give people some strong moral obligation towards marriage and family and that is a good thing .

[raii87]

he may start to go to the mosuqe more often and stop eating pig (im not sure if he does it now). it won`t be too big diffrence i hope. as he said,he won`t be drinking alchohol anymore and start to pray. He will also stop eating in the month of ramadan (from the first paryer call to the sun goes down.i personally have it from 04:00 to 22:00) and he will be celebrating ED.
that was everyhting that hit my mind now. if i come up with more things ill post it,if any of the other members have something in mind im sure theyll post it.

Thanks for your post. I wouldn't mind him going to a mosque, of course not. It would just be a weird feeling for me to see him so upright religiously compared to these 2.5yrs since we met. But I am not against it, how could I or anyone be. No, he doesn’t eat pork now. When we were talking about this (because he mentioned pork meat too) he said we won’t buy it for home. He told me I can eat it if I want when I’m at work. I know pork meat is avoided but I didn’t think it means it can’t be brought into the house at all. He doesn’t want me to covert to Islam and I don’t intend to, but I thought that since we can buy alcohol home (I can drink if I want, or when we have guests they can drink) then I can also buy pork for myself. I’d never even suggest that he eats it, clearly.
And although it’s a talk about the future, we brought up the topic of having kids. Speaking of the pork meat, he said our kids won’t ever try it although we decided they will be brought up being familiar with both religion’s traditions and they’ll get to choose the religion they want to follow when they grow up. Maybe those are small, meaningless things but the way he tells me indirectly that our children (despite our talks) will be Muslim like him, and that I love him and that he is a Muslim, make me think just that there will be more things I’ll have to change about my lifestyle and believes, compared to him. I don’t know, perhaps it’s a wrong feeling.

[raii87]

raii87
You are over reacting and most men would say stuff like this to get a reaction out of woman . Beside if he wants to pray more and stop drinking you should be happy about it , because despite everything , religions give people some strong moral obligation towards marriage and family and that is a good thing .

That's what he said too, that I should be happy if he chooses to do that, because he said he is only thinking about it. Perhaps I am over reacting, I realize that but I just don't want any surprises after we get married - I mean about him changing drastically his habits or how he thinks about certain things/situations/etc. I respect different cultures, traditions and religions but most people in the West see Islam in a scary and bad way. And when you hear things like this from people around you (for instance, what your life and your children's life will be if you choose to marry a Muslim man), hear about awful incidents (although incidents happen regardless of one's religion and I am not saying anything against Islam, I hope you don't misunderstand me) and you're in love with a Muslim at the same time, it's hard to avoid thinking about some things or to take them into consideration. We both agreed that we're each going to show more interest in each other's religions, i.e. he's been reading about Orthodox Christianity and I've been reading about Islam and we are determined to make it work despite everything.

[brendar]

Back to the Muslim religion again, I just want to meet this prophet Mohammed one day so that we can discuss how he destroyed our Kurdish culture.

If your boyfriend start going to "mosque", your relationship will be messed up because it is a place where he will be brain washed.

Tell your boyfriend to do anything but praying trust me, the reason is because ISLAM WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING!

[raii87]

Back to the Muslim religion again, I just want to meet this prophet Mohammed one day so that we can discuss how he destroyed our Kurdish culture.

If your boyfriend start going to "mosque", your relationship will be messed up because it is a place where he will be brain washed.

Tell your boyfriend to do anything but praying trust me, the reason is because ISLAM WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING!

It's easy to say that I should stop him from doing that but in reality is it even possible? Honestly, I am not fond of this idea or enlightenment he got to decide to pray. I wish he stays the way he is now - or like his brother, who never set foot in a mosque. He's been living in sin for years and frankly speaking I doubt it's so easy to wash away your since if you start praying tomorrow. I'm just scared and worried what other change might come along with his sudden desire to "become a good man".

[alan131210]

Back to the Muslim religion again, I just want to meet this prophet Mohammed one day so that we can discuss how he destroyed our Kurdish culture.

If your boyfriend start going to "mosque", your relationship will be messed up because it is a place where he will be brain washed.

Tell your boyfriend to do anything but praying trust me, the reason is because ISLAM WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING!

It's easy to say that I should stop him from doing that but in reality is it even possible? Honestly, I am not fond of this idea or enlightenment he got to decide to pray. I wish he stays the way he is now - or like his brother, who never set foot in a mosque. He's been living in sin for years and frankly speaking I doubt it's so easy to wash away your since if you start praying tomorrow. I'm just scared and worried what other change might come along with his sudden desire to "become a good man".

your are entirely wrong , God as we call Allah is forgiving , no matter what sin one would do he will always forgive him/her if they decide not to do it again , you should be happy how he is , i had a similar experience in life and boy i am glad now i am settled down and of course do my pryers even though its done sitting down on a chair bcoz of my disability status .